Six Steps To Controlling Your Emotions - Step 2

The second step to controlling our emotions is an acknowledgement and understanding of what we feel as it relates to the present situation. Is this reaction appropriate? Is it stemming from this episode or some other issue or external influence? The following article may offer some insight into how we react and respond and what we can do to try and alleviate the negative emotions that encompasses our lives and sometimes defines who we are.

Step Two - Recognition: Why Am I Feeling This Way?

There are many reasons we become emotional. Most people don’t realize that emotion can come from the past, the present, or even the future. It can originate from within us, or it can stem from an external factor. I speak all the time about the food/mood connection and how the chemistry in what we eat can adversely affect the biochemistry within us. My daughter and I have known for years just how sensitive the human body is to substances like sugar, gluten, and msg. We “feel” so angry after eating certain foods we want to (as my daughter says) bite people! On the flip side, if we eat candy or other simple sugars to excess, we can become depressed, despondent and go on crying jags for some 24 hours afterward. Everything we put into our mouth has an effect, negative or positive on our mental, emotional, and physical state. Of course when we encounter a negative episode in our lives, we base our reaction on the event, not necessarily our state of mind or being. That can make whatever is happening seem far more intense than it really is!

And there are other external factors out there we would never think to consider. Scientist are just now discovering the potential we have to “pick up” energies from each other which can instigate anxiety, fear, or even elation. Ever walk into a room and feel uncomfortable? Although the research is not conclusive yet, there is a belief that we can resonate with energies through our bodily fluid. Did you know that we are made up of over 65% water? Most of us understand this fact, but I bet you didn’t know that over 99% of our molecules are water molecules. This is an incredible detail, but what makes it more interesting is that scientist don’t have any idea why! 

Why the need for so much water? My theory is that we “communicate” through our fluid in a non-verbal way that allows us to be in tune with each other. Whales and dolphins are able to converse even with hundreds of kilometers between them, using a special language with frequencies only they can hear. They use the water to send these messages. Why can’t we do the same? There are water molecules everywhere (including the air) so it makes sense that we would be able to connect with people on a molecular level. One mammal uses water outside of themselves, the other inside. What is the difference? Dr. Gerald Pollack, professor of bio-engineering at UW (University of Washington) gave credence to my hypothesis when he wrote to me recently. “Early studies in Russia, about 60 or 70 years ago by Gurwich showed that when cells were put in proximity of one another, their division processes became synchronized.  When they were in different vessels, unconnected; they still synchronized with one another.  When an electromagnetic shield was placed in between, synchrony was lost.”

PerceptionIn other words, cells are magnetic and energized so when they are separated, they still keep trying to find one another and re-connect. This is probably how we can sense how someone we are with is feeling. (It might also explain how opposites attract.) Because the “language” our body uses in this process is not something we have been taught, we tend to challenge its wisdom. We intellectualize the way we feel which takes away from the intuition or feeling. Case in point: Josh goes on a date and “senses” the girl he is with is uncomfortable. She is fidgety and not making eye contact so he immediately “thinks” she doesn’t like him. The truth is that his date is uneasy because she is shy and nervous. Josh’s lack of trust in his emotional awareness led him to use his head and he assumed the worse, probably based on his own insecurities and paranoia. If he would have gone with what he initially felt and didn’t intellectualize it, he could have done something to make her feel more comfortable, like ask her about her hobbies and interests. Instead, he mimicked her emotions and started to become self conscious and leery of her intentions towards him. As you can imagine, the date didn’t go too well after that.

There are so many reasons for the “why am I feeling this way” factor that the recognition process can become quite a challenge, but guess what…you don’t really need to know why, you just need to ask the question! The second you ask, you immediately give less power to the event and more power to your ability to control and understand it. Remember, this step is called recognition, and it alone can help you to manipulate out of negativity. When my daughter and I react to something and feel a little out of control, the first thing we do is try to understand what the real emotion is, i.e. anger, anxiety, or fear. The second question we ask ourselves is, “are there any outside factors that could be adding to this reaction? Did we eat something that might have had an influence? Does this feel like something we have experienced in the past that may be bringing up old fears and traumas?” The moment we attempt to bring in mental awareness, we actually calm down and jump out of the emotion just long enough to make sense of it. This mental work is also a primer and the perfect segue for the next step. Even if we can’t figure out at that moment what other forces are to “blame” for how we are feeling, we are still on our way to resolving our current issue and taking control of the emotions attached to it.