Six Steps To Controlling Your Emotions - Step 5

Step 4 revealed how much power we had to turn a situation around. Once we do this though, what can we realistically expect as an outcome? The answer lies once again, within us. Most people would be happy just to be happy, but some of us expect more from our everyday lives. Instead of expectation, maybe the question should really be, “what outcome do I want?”

Step 5 - Reality: What Can I Expect as an Outcome?

When I first divorced my husband, I felt incredibly guilty for breaking up my family unit. It was completely necessary for me to leave in order to maintain my health and safety, but I was afraid I would take my kids out of one mess just to put them into another. I vowed to make life better for all and made it a goal to become the best mother and person I could be. At the time, I didn’t feel worthy of much, but I knew instinctively that if I became healthier, the kids would benefit. They were my motive for everything. During the separation and then long after the divorce papers were signed, I was using that goal with its altruistic motive to learn how to manipulate my negative energy and tendencies. Each disagreement or encounter I had with my ex was handled with this goal as a backdrop, and that allowed for some wonderful outcomes. 

Goal setting is necessary when entering into any situation. There should always be an idea in your head of what you want the conclusion to be. Without a motive behind it, though, there is no real power, or oomph! needed to make it into a reality. Most people don’t realize there is a difference between the two. A goal is something you want to achieve, but a motive is the reason why you are doing it. Without purpose, a goal may flounder aimlessly with no real direction. Does your goal and motive have to be selfless? It helps! Go into any argument or discussion with the desire for a symbiotic outcome (“I want the best solution for all!”) and guess what? You come out with one. Go in with a “I want to win” attitude and you might succeed, but at what expense? There is always a right and a wrong way, but most of us don’t strive for the best way. When we do, truth is revealed, feelings are spared, love is released, and hearts are mended. No negative encounter can have a “bad” outcome if everyone is desirous of a positive ending for all.

PerceptionIf this makes me sound too “Pollyanna” like, then hey, call me Polly (my middle name is already Ann), because setting this goal before, during, or even after a negative event can change it instantly into a constructive one. It also allows you to admit that you may not have all the answers. The second that realization occurs, your mouth closes and your mind opens. Your ears hear what wasn’t said, your eyes become soft, and your heart connects. All of these very human aspects become tools you use for instead of weapons you use against. When you empty your head of what you believe should or could or ought to be, it becomes a vacuum and a higher intelligence and inner knowingness starts to take the lead in the formation of words and actions needed to achieve your new goal. No matter who or what you are up against, if you expect a positive win/win outcome, you will get one every time!